Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Remaining Friends

Scott and I were living on campus. I had recently graduated but Scott wanted to give School another shot. It didn't go well and we moved to a really nice town house.

My heart was slowly moving on. Scott and I felt like we were finally on the same page. I thought I was strong enough to hang out with Ozzy with in a group setting. We still had the same group of friends. I really wanted to still be his friend. I missed his friendship. It was hard when I would be invited to a Monday night football game, or a party of some type..I always had to ask if Ozzy was going to be there. If he was, I didn't go. Seeing him after saying goodbye would be to awkward...Part or me  longed to see him again, but I was also well aware that my feelings towards him were not completely gone, but I some somehow thought we could still be friends.

Scott and I decided together to attend a group gathering. We knew that Ozzy was going to be there... I was right it was awkward. But we went again the next week. I thought in my head that the awkwardness would just evaporate, but I was wrong. That awkward feeling that kept arising was the Holy Spirit telling me to not be there, not be around Ozzy. I once again ignored the promptings.

One Monday night, Scott and I went together, but Scott wanted to leave early and I didn't want to..I arranged with a friend to take me home later. I was stupid. As soon as Scott was gone, Ozzy and I started talking. I even started flirting. He flirted back..the tension was returning and it took all I had within me to not act on it.

I struggled with this for a very long time. I stopped being honest with Scott about my feelings. I somehow thought that Ozzy and I could still be friends. I however, learned the hard way that there is no way in the world ex-lovers should remain friends. HOW  STUPID COULD I BE?

I don't remember too much of this point in my life except the inner struggle that I caused. I was focusing so hard on the possibility of remaining friends with Ozzy that I was losing focus with my relationship with Scott, yet again. It was such a struggle that when I finally was sharing my struggles with Scott again, that we came up with a plan that would change our lives forever.

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