Thursday, May 30, 2013

Gratitude Journal Entry # 28

Gratitude Journal Entry # 28

I recently was part of a book study through our church. We just had our last gathering this past week. It was bitter sweet for me because we had just started attending this church and I came into this group knowing 2 people. It was very nerve-racking for me, because at first, I am a shy lady. I felt like I was just finally starting to open up to these women and now we are done with the book. These ladies were insightful, encouraging and extremely helpful! I've made a handful of new friends. So, this week, I am thankful for the chance to be part of this group. I am thankful that these ladies took me in and love me for me. I am thankful for all the stories and lessons they shared from their own lives.

BTW the book was amazing. It was called What Did You Expect, by Paul David Tripp. I definitely will be referencing some pages in this amazing book throughout  my blog. I recommend this book to any one who is married or planned to be married..AMAZING!

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Wildcard Wednesday: Sadness


Watch her face with the tears rolling down.
Watch her mouth as she stands with a frown.
Watch her head as it hangs low.
Watch her feet, stopped, not on the go.
Watch as she stands with a droop.
It is time to recoup.

Her world is shattered and life is no more. 
Sadness is something we should not bypass or ignore.
It is agony.
It is fear.
It is loneliness.
It is real.

If I could, I would say
It won't always be as bad as this day.
Give it time, your heart will heal,
Everything now is so surreal.
You need not to give up
To find Joy again, worship.

Give Him praise for what you had.
Ask Him to comfort you when you are sad.
Seek Him first and He will shall pass on peace
He will bless you with great release.

By: Shannon Chilson 5-29-2013

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

A Major Consequence

I have a confession to make. Sometimes it's hard to write about the past. I thought I've dealt with most of these things, but the deeper I get in to the story, I am surprised by several emotions that creep up. I know that the thoughts and emotions that are tied to this tragic event are a consequence. I have been working though the emotions by reminding myself of the reality.  I also very aware that satan likes to confuse people. He likes to use our irrational emotions against us and ultimately against God.

One of the emotions that I have been struggling the most with is raw heartache. In an instant, I can mentally transport back into passion and lust. In just a moments time, I can be pulled in to the deep desires and heat that were once connected with my past. I have a very difficult time putting words to these emotions that I feel. I can describe the torture and the deep anguish I feel when I am taken back by these feelings. It is raw and fragile, like the colors being stripped out of a beautiful and delicate flower. Each time I am pulled into the past, I am haunted by the sin I committed. It is like I am there, still in the affair. My heart breaks and feels as if the void of Ozzy is still as deep and stings as much as it did when I had to say goodbye. My heart mourns the way I treated my husband and I can hear my vows breaking as if they were delicate china being thrown against a rugged stone wall. Pure agony..

My reality is not sneaking around and planning secret rendezvous. My reality is not being irrational with my emotions. My reality is not living with my head stuck in the clouds thinking that life is easy and love is so innocent. I will not allow satan to pull me into my past. My life is so different now. Of course an affair is easy, passionate, and has no responsibilities. Once you throw in children, house payments, employment and other everyday life, it pulls the romance and and effortlessness right out the window

I often have a hard time when I compare the affair with my real life. Affairs are enticing because they are not reality. It's so desirable to have love the easy way, with no work and no road blocks. My life now is full of road blocks and difficult everyday issues. But the great things about my love now, is that I know God blessed me with Scott. He chose Scott out of all the millions and billions of men to be mine, for me to keep and share my life with. Scott is an amazing man, not only to be willing to take me back after everything I put him through, but also because he loves me. Deep in his heart he loves me. He wants to please me. He wants to share my life.

Life is hard. But I love a challenge. Scott is my treasure from God and I want to work hard to keep out love strong. I will not let satan win over my emotions and flashbacks. I will not allow myself to dream about the ease of on affair. My heart is sad for the choices I've made. It has been 10 years since the affair ended. It is sad that it is still so fresh in my mind. A solid consequence for my sinful actions.

Monday, May 27, 2013

Memorize Monday

I don't know if I have mentioned this just yet, but our church is participating in Fighter Verse 2013! You can check out more about it here!! There are a lot of great resources to check out while you are there! 

Scripture is so hard to memorize mostly because I don't make it a priority. So not only am I going to write out this weeks Fighter Verse, but I am also going to spoil you with some tips on memorization. 

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1 

Tips to help you with memorization:
  1. Write it down. Write it out several times.
  2. After all that writing (see tip #1) hang them up around your house. Each time you see the verse around the house read it aloud.
  3. Say it out Loud! 
  4. Practice!! Repeat the verse out loud over and over and over and over and over and over....
  5. Make up a song with the verse. 

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Gratitue Journal # ?

It has been a long while since I have made any additions to my gratitude journal, but in lieu of the deadly tornado in Moore, Oklahoma, I am blessed beyond all measure for my amazing husband and miracle babies. Praising God for the beautiful blessing of family.

Discipline from the Lord

So while doing a little research on the ideas of Biblical discipline I ran across this table:

FROM The Lord God, World, Satan The Devil
RESULT OF Disobedience Following God Pride or Exposure
HOW TO DISCERN Fits Crime Proves Faith Leads Astray
RIGHT RESPONSE Repent! Persevere Resist!
DO NOT Make Light of Shrink Back Fall into
GOD IS SAYING We are Sons His Name is in Us The Flesh is Weak
ENDS WITH Fear and Holiness Death and Glory Sin or Victory
I found much insight. I love the 'How to discern' and 'Do Not' sections. I wish I would have found this in my younger years, but non the less, it has made a big impact in my life so far. I pray that others will grow and be challenged by this too.

I found the chart at

More information can be found here..

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Punishment for the Crime.

Now as an adult I sometimes struggle with discipline. I often wonder if God disciplines us? He is a loving God. He is a gracious God. What would his punishment look like?

Hebrews 12: 4-11
God Disciplines His Children
In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 
 And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son?
  It says,
“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”
Endure hardship as discipline; 
God is treating you as his children.
 For what children are not disciplined by their father?
 If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all.
 Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. 
How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! 
 They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best;
 but God disciplines us for our good, 
in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. 
Later on, however, it produces a harvest of 
righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Soon after the affair ended and Scott and I started rebuilding our marriage, I started having health issues. Serious health issues. After some testing I was told that I would not be able to get pregnant. Scott and I had not started trying at this point. We were focusing our marriage and knew, that for us, we would be waiting a while before we would start having a family. We, of course, wanted to eventually have babies. So this news was very hard to take.

I immediately deemed the news from the doctors as a form of punishment from God. It was some how a punishment to my sinful living. It was because I had ruined my marriage bed. The Bible tells us in Hebrews that the Lord disciplines those he loves. It was settled that I was being punished.

Several years down the road, Scott and I decided to start trying to have a baby. It took us several years to conceive, but soon after we found out we were expecting, we had a miscarriage. The doctor told me that my uterus was not conducive to caring. We were crushed.

I struggled for a long while with anger towards God. Why would he punish me for my affair by withholding children from Scott? I was so furious. I did not want to believe that God was loving and gracious. He was unleashing his power and wrath on me and my uterus. It took me several months to finally except that I deserved to be punished for my sin and that if God indeed felt that I shouldn't have babies then so be it. It was a fitting punishment for the crime I had committed.

However, as I look back at this story in my life..I can now clearly see that God was not using my health as a punishment. I also have learned that Punishment is too harsh a word. God doesn't "punish" us he disciplines us. There is a big difference between the words. In my naivety I was using the words interchangeable.

The dictionary defines the words as follows:

1.the act of punishing.
2.the fact of being punished, as for an offense or fault.
3.a penalty inflicted for an offense, fault, etc.
4.severe handling or treatment.

Discipline to act in accordance with rules; drill: military discipline.
2.activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training: A daily stint at the typewriter is excellent discipline for a writer.
3.punishment inflicted by way of correction and training.
4.the rigor or training effect of experience, adversity, etc.: the harsh discipline of poverty.
5.behavior in accord with rules of conduct; behavior and order maintained by training and control: good discipline in an army.

I found that there is a settle difference between the two.

I have learned from my past that the Lord does indeed discipline us for sinning. God does not discipline us with retribution. He is not a detached, ruthless or unemotional God who wants to make us pay for what we did. Indeed Not. Our Lord is loving and caring. He loves us. We are his children. Just as I would train my young children, the Lord loving and gently guides and corrects us. He has high standard for us. He wants us to be Holy just as he is holy.

I also found an article from that made this point,
"God will use testing, trails and various predicaments to bring us back to himself in repentance. The results of his discipline is stronger faith and a rewarding relationship with God, but most importantly to destroy the hold of that particular sin over us."

I agree with this statement. After the affair ended Scott and I were in the mist of a marital emergency. We endured testing as we rebuild our marriage. But though the lessons we learned out faith has been strengthened and we matured together as our character was being shaped and molded by the Lord. The sin of of my affair was removed by the Lord. He has wiped out my iniquity and I am made anew!! I have learned my lesson as far as the disciple goes. With the help of the Lord, I have destroyed the hold that the infidelity had on my life. I am still dealing with the consequences, but that's another topic.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Exciting Times

Today is a very exciting day!!!

I am honored by my new friend, Jen, over at Unveiled Wives. I submitted an article sharing my marriage story and she choose my testimony to be published on her website today!! I am so excited!!

Jen, Thank you so much for the opportunity to share my marriage testimony but most importantly share God's redemptive story with others whose hearts and marriages may be hurting. I am blessed!!

You can check out my article By clicking here

Be sure to find Unveiled Wives on Facebook!!

Memorize Monday

Our bible verse this week:

To the contrary, 
"if your enemy is hungry, feed him; 
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink;
 for by doing so you will heap burning coals on his head." 
Do not be overcome by evil,
 but overcome evil with good.

Romans 12:20-21

Saturday, May 18, 2013

God's Timing

Thank you so much for your patience with me as I haven't been blogging regularly. During my little sabbatical, so many amazing things have happened which have solidified my calling to write and share my story. It has been a challenge for me as I reopen wounds of the past. I really want to be real and share my raw emotions about my affair because it is my desire  for others to understand and relate to the hurt and pain. As I am writing sometimes I have to take the time to re-deal with the topic or emotion that is tied to the story I am writing. My calling to writing has been full of lessons and rewards. God is good.

I believe this may be my first post that has been written NOW, not from the past, not looking into the future, but what I am dealing with today and have been dealing with over the last month or so. I am dealing with some health issues. The doctors are still poking and prodding trying to find the source of some pain and issues with my stomach. Since, I have been away, God has definitely taught me a little about perspective. And I am ready to write again. It's only been a week or two and to be honest with you I missed it.  I've never stopped writing. I've been writing just not publishing any of my posts.  I missed sharing my story with others. 

The day after I decided to take a little break from writing, God surprised me with a different plan. A speaking opportunity was presented to me. I am blessed for the opportunity to speak with others and share my story and remind other's of how important ministry can be! I will be speaking later this summer. This was a super cool way of God showing me not to stop and to keep going.

Several days later God hit me with another wake up call. I heard him loud and clear. The back story is that I ran across a beautiful blog while researching love and marriage. I noticed that there was an invitation to submit and article about marriage. I knew right away that God wanted me to submit this article. I made it a goal that by the end of April I would submit an article. I did achieved the goal and was really nervous. While, long story short, I received an e-mail that my article would appear on the blog next week!!!

I am finding that God has renewed my strength. He has boosted my confidence.
He says write.
I say, "Yes Lord! I will obey!"

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Time Off

Just so you know I didn't fall off the face of the Earth, I am still here. I have been dealing with some health issues.  I will be taking the next couple of weeks off as we figure out my health situation. Thank you in advance for all your prayers as I have been writing and sharing my story with you. Thank you also for prayers as we deal with these health issues.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Memorize with Me Romans 12:14-16

 You can always check out more from

Romans 12:14-16 

 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.

Romans 12:14-16