The Honeymoon and the Hermit

Scott and I had relocated. Call it what you will, but the move changed our life, for the better. We entered what the experts call, a second honeymoon phase. Just for the record, an affair doesn't make this happen any faster or different for anyone. Relationships are cyclical..having highs and lows. The highs come when both partners are willing to work on the marriage with every fiber of their being. God was placed once again as the center of our marriage and I believe that a second honeymoon was a blessing from the Lord. He knew what we needed to reconnect and refocus on Him and each other.

After the big move, Scott and I worked, and worked, with blood, sweat and tears to repair our broken and fractured marriage. We were diligent in working to make new memories together. We began opening up to one another again. We rebuilt trust. We shared our new hopes and dreams with one another. It really was a beautiful and happy time for us. It was real. Our love was absolute and it felt great!

I was on cloud nine. Our second honeymoon for 2-3 years.  I was getting reacquainted with the man I had once married. I remember being so shocked and dumbfounded as I really got to know Scott. I guess the things I saw in Ozzy were things that Scott lacked, but I was wrong. I had never taken the time to search for them in my husband. We were falling in love with each other all over again.

Being in the honeymoon phase you are completely focused on each other and often push out the "real world, " including friends and family. And that is what happened to us. We got together with people but we were so focused on each other that I never stopped for one moment to think about how others were viewing us. To no surprise, we were the big news I am sure in many circles. We heard the many rumors that were going around as the story leaked out..most of the information that came back to us was of course, very far from the truth.

On one particular day, I was hit, square in the face by this notion.


Scott and I were invited to a friends house for dinner. These friends knew our history, the actual facts, and in my mind they didn't judge me for my sins...BUT I was shocked by a single sentence that was said at the dinner table..

"How are you guys doing?" that was the questions..I was relieved that they cared for the well being of our relationship. I was awestruck that they had to courage to ask how we were doing..we needed accountability..I think everyone needs accountability.

I honestly answered the questions, "We are doing great. We are in like another honeymoon phase or something and our relationship is really healing."

Then it hit me..."Well, it might look good from the outside."

 The reply to my response shook my world to the core. It actually took everything within me to not get up and leave the house. I fought back tears..This was the first time I began to freak out about what others thought. Obviously others were thinking that we were fake on the outside..we were never going to be okay..these thoughts poisoned my mind and my heart..and I quickly became a hermit. I was scared to death to face the reality of what others thought of us..of me.

3 Aspects of Sin

Scott and I had been married for about a year before my heart became tainted with love and lust for another man. I was like Eve in the Garden of Eden when the serpent tricked her into thinking she needed the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

Genesis 3:1-7:

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

 The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden,  but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’"

 “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman.  “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

  When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.  Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

I found while studying the verses above that that are three aspects of sin; good for food, pleasing to the eye, and desirable for gaining wisdom. Satan, the master deceiver, has ways to make forbidden things look good, pleasing and desirable to us. He tricks us into thinking that we need these good and pleasant things that in all actuality will harm us or hurt us. He doesn't care about our well-being. He doesn't care about our souls. He wants us to sin in hopes of tainting our love for God.

 How can something pure as love cause sin?

The devil tricked me into thinking that acceptance from another man was good, a new and fresh relationship was pleasing and  his comfort and passion was desirable.  When I realized that a friendship had slipped into an emotional affair, I was already neck deep. I was passionately and completely in love and it wasn't with my husband. The devil deceived me into thinking that I couldn't live without my lover. I needed his acceptance, passion, and love to breath and live. I believed the lies so much that I almost left my husband to pursue a life of mystery and excitement. I was deceived by the devil.

I fall to my knees each time I think of God's unending love and immeasurable grace.  I sinned. My heart and soul covered by the darkest, thickest slime this world can dish out, my heart, unwashed after being dragged through manure and filth. Disgusting. Broken. Ashamed.

By the grace of God, I found my way out of the slime and filth. I mustered all my strength and crawled to the feet of my loving Father and clung for life. God, without hesitating, called me his child and with open arms, held me close. My grace is sufficient for you. You have been clean and shine like snow. Your sins are no more. You are still my child. God accepts me as clean, pure and beautiful.