I had pushed God out of my life. I am sure He tried everything to get my attention. Finally, when God was shouting at the top of His lungs, I heard him call my name.
My affair has been brought to light and at this point I was not remorseful about the choices I had made. In fact I was still spending time with Ozzy. I had prolonged my decision making long enough and decided that for my own sanity, I needed to choose who I wanted to be with. I had sent Scott to his parents house for the week and in turn, told Ozzy that I needed the week to think things through. I didn't talk with either man for the entire week. My choice was to start a new life with Ozzy but that was before God got my attention. I ran across the Bible verse from Psalm 37 "Delight yourslef in the LORD and he will give you the desire of your heart."
Twenty four hours ago my bags were pack and I was going to leave my husband for a man I was having an affair with. This verse was a turning point in my decision making and resulted in the following conversation with God:
God's voice called my name, "Shannon, what are you thinking? Are you questioning my plans for you? I know your heart and I know your desires. Of course if you leave Scott I will have a plan for that road-however if you choose to stay on this road, stay with Scott, the plan is amazing! The future might be bumpy at first but it will be more than you ever dreamed. Trust me, Shannon, I know the desires of your heart. Trust me. Love me and delight in me and you will see how amazing life can be."
I fell to the floor weeping. It was so great to hear God call my name, it had been so long. I had given up on God. My sin was too terrible to have God forgive me. But hearing my name reminded me of His sweet grace. He is a God of second chances. "God you are right. Who am I to think I could possibly fulfil my own desires by my own hands. Who am I to question your plan for my life with Scott? God, I know you placed Scott in my life for a reason. I want to delight in you. I want you to give me the desires my heart truly needs. God I don't know how I got to this place, my life is a mess. My marriage is broken. I've lost friends. Help Lord, what am I supposed to do."
"Run to Scott. Say good bye to Ozzy and run full speed back to Scott. He will forgive you. He will take you back. It is going to take work, but your marriage will make it."
I called Ozzy and we made plans to meet the next day.