If you find yourself in an affair and needing to make the choice between stay or leave there are a few things you should consider before making your decision:
- Be deliberate with your decision. Take the necessary time to weigh your options.
- Don't make your decision on feelings alone. Feelings change. The more time and energy you invest in a relationship the stronger you will feel towards them. If you are in an affair, you are spending your time and energy with wanting to be with him/her. What would happen if you put your time and energy into your marriage?
- Take into consideration that your relationship with your affair partner is secretive, which brings about more excitement and romance.
- In your marriage you have responsibility like paying the mortgage, fixing the leaky facet, and perhaps caring for children. What would these responsibilities look like with your lover?
- Are you willing to work hard to repair your marriage? It is a slow process and you have to be willing to work diligently at it.
- Do not make your choice simply by comparing individuals because it is not fair to compare secret romance to a stable long lasting marriage.
- Would you still want to divorce your spouse if you knew that down the road your relationship with your lover doesn't work out?
- Talk to someone; God, a non-biased friend or family member. Don't be afraid to seek the advice of a counselor.
- Take time to be alone.
- Replay your marriage in your mind...what is about your spouse that you love? Why did you choose to marry him/her?