Wednesday, December 19, 2012

A week apart (Scott's Perspective)

Shannon once again asked me to make a guest post this week and talk about our week of separation.  It is hard for me to put into words how that week went and the details and order are most certainly jumbled up in a huge emotionally draining black hole.  I remember life up to that point as being a big blur of uncomfortable nights between Shannon and I living in the same house.  She continually wanted to go hang out with Ozzy or go to the bar with Ozzy or go bowling with Ozzy.  I was in full "fight for my marriage" mode by now so I would urge her to go do these things with me instead.  Miraculously, Shannon would tell me over and over again about how she didn't want to do those things with me, how she wanted to do them with Ozzy, but somehow, something was keeping her from just leaving the house and going.  She was respecting me enough to not go out with him.  It was strange at the time, but now I find it amazing that she showed me so much respect.  That was definitely God's hand at work and the beginning of Him helping us restore our marriage. 

Finally Shannon had had enough.  She was getting ripped apart from both sides and needed a break to catch her breath.  Reluctantly I agreed and decided it was time to head home for a week and talk to my parents about what was going on.  I packed a bag and Shannon drove me down to my mom and dad's.  They knew I was coming for a week, but they didn't know why.  After a quick hello, Shannon took off and left me sitting at the table with my parents.  We sat awkwardly staring at each other.  It was one of the hardest things I ever did, but I finally managed to blurt out our story and the horrible shape my marriage was in.  They sat there in shock for a few moments and then showed me such love and compassion that I knew I had made the right choice in coming home.  For the first couple of days, I didn't do much.  I was in pretty bad shape and tried my best to drown out the world and my situation in as many video games as I could.  The turning point for me was when Sunday rolled around.  I had stayed up too late the night before and had no desire to go anywhere or do anything.  My dad came upstairs and told me that he understands that the last thing I probably wanted to do is go to church and be around people, but he believed that the best thing I could do was go and focus on God.  I didn't have anything better to do, so I followed his advice and got in the car.  Once there, I felt the weight slowly lift off my shoulders.  There was a 'silent prayer request' that was prayed for that day and I knew my parents had put that in there for me.  My dad is a wonderful spiritual leader, but my mom, well, she basically has a direct line to the man upstairs sitting on her nightstand.  She is the mightiest pray warrior I have ever known and she made sure there were many, many, many, many people praying for me.  After church I felt re-energized to finish the fight.

I eventually had a meeting with the pastor of that church.  I spent hours searching the bible for anything and everything God has said about marriage.  I prayed constantly and focused on getting closer to God and giving the situation over into his hands.  I started to feel lead to do certain things that didn't make sense to me, but I would do them anyway.  I wrote Shannon lots of letters and I am sure I filled them up with things that I discovered in the bible and urged her to look them up and pray about them.  I sat down one evening towards the end of the week and wrote a nice long email to my 'friend' Ozzy.  I couldn't sleep that night and felt the need to show my findings to him as well.  I filled up that email with all the bible verses I had read and tried my best to show him how what he was doing was a sin and God didn't agree with any of it.  After I sent the email I felt at peace that God was in control and finally got some sleep.  Dad and I had a big fishing trip planned the next day, so when I say some sleep, it wasn't really much.  I got up early the next day and checked my email quick before heading out to the lake with dad.  I was in shock to see a response from Ozzy so quickly.  All that it said was "I am not reading any of those verses.  I met with Shannon yesterday and she told me that she chose you.  Congratulations, you win."  I was in shock.  I didn't know what to do or what would happen next.  I wanted to call her right away, but it was way too early in the morning for that.  I don't know where we went fishing, if we caught anything, or how long we were out.  I do remember though, thanking God and praising him the entire time we were gone.  When we got home from the fishing trip I was rewarded with the most amazing thing I had seen since this all started.  In my parents driveway sat my beautiful wife, with the biggest smile on her face.  The fight was finally over, but the work had just begun...

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