Tuesday, December 18, 2012

The Drive

I wasn't thinking straight. I was emotionally and physically exhausted.  I had hardly slept the previous night as I was mulling over a million ways to tell my lover good-bye. It was heart wrenching but earlier that evening I actually did it. I told Ozzy our affair was over and that I was choosing Scott. My heart on my sleeve and my face wet from tears, I drove to a friends house and told them everything that had happened. They encouraged me and prayed with me and I drove home.

My heart was beating a millions times a minutes as I was packing a bag. The only thing I had on my mind was running to Scott. I was suddenly filled with a happy joy that had been missing for a long time. I was making the choice to stop my sinful lifestyle and return to my marriage. It was getting very late in the evening and I had a several hour drive to get to Scott's parent's house. I had made an agreement with Scott that I needed a week to myself to think things through and he choose to spend his week with his Mom and Dad. We hadn't spoken to each other the whole week. He did send me e-mails, very long e-mails. I did read them but I never replied to them.

As I was driving, my mind was flooded with possible reactions from Scott. My head over-flowed with questions and doubt. What was going to happen? Was he even going to take me back?  Was he even going to talk to me? If it were me, I won't talk to me. I have been so stupid. What was I going to say? Was I going to hug him? Was he going to yell at me? I wonder if he told his parents? What were they going to say to me? How were they going to react to me? I continued to drive. I was scared to the point of turning around, but something inside me kept pushing me to run to Scott.

I drove slowly by the house. I noticed that some lights were on. I pulled into the driveway and my mind went numb. My hand began to sweat and my heart was pounding so loud I am sure someone would have heard it. I took several, maybe a dozen deep breaths to calm myself down and I knocked on the door.

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