Slow Fade

It is so amazing to me how quickly one can 'fade to gray.' It can happen so quickly. It's actually frightening. Looking back on my affair, that's how it started, a slow fade which continued and grew darker and darker until -I- dug myself a nice deep hole so deep, I couldn't find my way out. Should I go up? Down? I was so far in over my head..I couldn't breath. Dark. Secrets. Death knocking on the door. Not the type of death you may be thinking of. But death of my spirit and soul, turning away from God type of death. My past is so scary to think about. If you have never heard the song by the group Casting Crowns entitled, "Slowfade," please take the time to do a search on you tube..or better yet, here is a link! 'Slowfade' by Casting Crowns

It is a life altering song.

It starts with our daily choices. Daily. I don't know about you, but often, I made spur of the moment decisions, without giving it a thought. That is when the Holy Spirit comes into play. I know I have written about the Holy Spirit before, but it is not something to take lightly.


It's weird, but I am going to quote myself here. My blog post on October 31, 2012 was entitled Holy Spirit and there I wrote the following: "The Holy Spirit is our advocate. He will guide us in truth. In the sin of my affair, I ignored the urges of the Holy Spirit. At first, I could feel the Holy Spirit urging me, putting unrest and guilt in my heart. We are free to make our own choices and I choose to ignore the Holy Spirit. As I continued down the path of sin and shame, it seemed to me that  I was able to tuned-out the voice of the Holy Spirit. I am sure He was still urging me and calling me to turn from my sin. I became callous to my sin and began to justify my behaviors. I deceived myself into thinking that I was doing nothing wrong and I continued to look for validation. I was choosing to disobey God by living in my sin and continuing with my affair. "

We need to be spending time in the word. During my affair, unfortunate, I was not in the word. I was not even open to listening to the word. I had my back to Jesus and was running in the opposite direction. If only I would have been in tune with the Holy Spirit. If only I would have been reading my Bible. If only I would have remembered the price my Jesus paid for me on the cross. If then, I would not have gone down the slippy slope of an affair. If then, I would have been bold and would have fought -FOR- my marriage instead of against it. If then...

The only redeeming factor is my Jesus. My marriage was spared because of my Jesus. My marriage has been rebuild because of my Jesus! My marriage is a gift, a love of second chances because of my Jesus. I can't turn back the clocks and undo my mistakes. I can only treasure the time as we move into the future and count my blessing daily. Giving unending praise and thanks to God for extending grace and love. 

It's a Slow Fade..so be careful...

Gaining the Courage

I am fearful. I am nervous. I am afraid of what others will think of me.

 I am gaining the courage to share with my family and friends some amazing things that have been happening in my life. More importantly, I am gaining the courage to share my story with the world. God is placing a desire on my heart to share my story with others in hopes to encourage them, be a support to them and most importantly be a light in dark places. "We have all sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Yes, we have all sinned, but there is a major part of my testimony that has fallen short, has been thrown in the mud and has been buried in my heart for a long long time. A handful of people know the story and the hurt and shame that are tied to it.

The best part of my story is the ending!! My story ends with God's unending grace and love covering my heart and my life from all the shame that I put there. God tore down walls and rebuilt love and life in ways that only He can. That is what I want to share! I want others to see that anything is possible with God. He knows what He is doing! We don't need to fill our hearts with our own desires. When we look for our own desires, we always look in the wrong place or go to the wrong person. But when we delight in the Lord, he will give us the desires of our heart...because really God is the only one who really knows what those desires are. Let me tell you from my own experiences, the desires that God gives are a billion times better then the ones we try to find for ourselves.

Welcome to Immeasurable Grace!

 I will be blogging about my past and the effects it has had on my future. I am being challenged to open up my heart and soul with the world. Each week I invite you to ride along as I give you a small glimpse into my inner struggles. We can travel together into the valleys of my sin and shame; rounding out our hike by climbing the mountains of victory and grace. I am nervous. I am fearful. My passion exceeds all fears and I am ready to be a light in the darkness.