I was researching the word shame the other day and somehow found myself reading about the Holy Spirit. At first glance it wouldn't seem likely that shame and the Holy Spirit would ever be used in the same sentence but please let me explain.
One of the definition of the word shame according to dictionary.com is: "the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, or ridiculous done by oneself or another." In this definition we find that the feeling of shame comes from the conscience. Our conscience helps to directed us with what is right or wrong. As a Christian I have comfort in knowing that God has given us help, He has given us the gift of His Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is our councilor.
John 14:15 Jesus Promises the Holy Spirit
“If you love me, keep my commands. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.”
Then Judas (not Judas Iscariot) said, “But, Lord, why do you intend to show yourself to us and not to the world?”
Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them. Anyone
who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear
are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.
“All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
“You heard me say, ‘I am going away and I am coming back to you.’ If you loved me, you would be glad that I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I. I have told you now before it happens, so that when it does happen you will believe. I will not say much more to you, for the prince of this world is coming. He has no hold over me, but he comes so that the world may learn that I love the Father and do exactly what my Father has commanded me.
“Come now; let us leave."
The Holy Spirit is our advocate. He will guide us in truth. In the sin of my affair, I ignored the urges of the Holy Spirit. At first, I could feel the Holy Spirit urging me, putting unrest and guilt in my heart. We are free to make our own choices and I choose to ignore the Holy Spirit. As I continued down the path of sin and shame, it seemed to me that I was able to turn-out the voice of the Holy Spirit. I am sure He was still urging me and calling me to turn from my sin. I became callous to my sin and began to justify my behaviors. I deceived myslef into thinking that I was doing nothing wrong and I continued to look for validation. I was choosing to disobey God by living in my sin and continuing with my affiir.
At first I felt terribly guilty about spending time with another man. I ignored the Holy Spirit's direction to stop and made myself believe that what I was doing was okay because we were just friends. But the deeper and deeper I climbed into my sin the easier it was to ignore the Holy Spirit. I wonder if the same thing happened to David when he spied Bathsheba from his rooftop. You can find the story in 2 Samuel chapter 11.
I still feel shame from by disobedience to God. I wish that I could go back in time and change everything that happened. I wish I would have listened to the urges of the Holy Spirit to run from my sin. But I know that God has graciously forgiven me and cleansed me from my sin. God used David for good and I pray that God can use me and my mistakes for good too.