Immeasurable Grace

In my life there have been more than a handful of times when God has covered me with His immeasurable grace. During these times in my life, I hardly think that I deserved God's grace and forgiveness. I have made choices in my life that bring me shame. I have made choices in my life that have hurt others. I have made choices in my life that went against my very faith. Yet,  God covers me with his unmeasurable grace. His grace is endless and amazing. He calls me back to his loving arms each and every time regardless of the sins I have committed. Trust me, my sins fall into the "forbidden sins" category.

I had made a choice in my life several years ago that shook my faith and marriage to its very core. I made the choice to share my dreams with another man. I made the choice to share my heart and emotions with another man. I made a choice to defile my marriage bed. I had convinced myself that I was in love. I made myself believe that I was doing nothing wrong because I deserved attention, passionate love, and someone who was emotionally available for me. I made a choice that affected my marriage, my family, my friends, and most importantly my walk with Christ.

God says that we need to confess our sins. I John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sin and purify us from all unrighteousness."

The Bible says that God knows our thoughts and actions before they happen.

Psalm 139

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

¹ You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

Yet, even with these truths in my heart, I covered my sin and buried it deep in my heart. The affair ended and I made the choice to fight for my marriage. I made the choice to say goodbye to the other man. I also made the choice to keep my face hidden from God. I didn't want God to know what I had done. He already knew, he as just waiting for me to confess my sins. As my marriage and friendships were healing, I was still raw on the inside. My heart and soul ached from the choices that I made. I believed that I was a bad person. I believed that I didn't deserve love. I believed that I didn't deserve forgiveness. I was full of shame and wanted to stay hidden.

My husband took me back with open arms. To this very day, he has never condemned me of my past choices. He has never used my past against me. My husband has only ever loved me. He forgave me and he let it go. I still feel that I am undeserving of his love, but I know that God's hand was protecting our marriage.  Scott forgave me almost immediately, but I struggled for a long time with asking God for forgiveness. I struggled for a longer time working out forgiving myself.

God has covered my sins with His immeasurable grace. God still loves me despite of my past. He died on the cross for all the sins of the world. He has laid it upon my heart to share my story with you. Most importantly, God has laid it on my heart to share about his love and his grace. My marriage would not be what is is today without the hand of God. God helped my husband and I to rebuild and repair our marriage. We have trust. We have faith. We have love. We have passion. We have God.