Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Wildcard Wednesday: Reliving a Nightmare

I know God wants me to share my past. God wants me to encourage others through my experiences..God is good and is in control. I am trusting Him fully as I continue to follow His leading.

Jesus called 12 men to be his disciples. Luke 5: 1-11

Jesus Calls His First Disciples

"One day as Jesus was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret, the people were crowding around him and listening to the word of God. He saw at the water’s edge two boats, left there by the fishermen, who were washing their nets. He got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, and asked him to put out a little from shore. Then he sat down and taught the people from the boat.

When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch.”

Simon answered, “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.”

When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink.

When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon’s partners.

Then Jesus said to Simon, “Don’t be afraid; from now on you will fish for people.” So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him."

The fishermen had been out all night trying to catch fish. The never succeeded. Jesus comes along and tells them to throw their nets into the water again the men list excuses: We worked hard. We are tired. We failed. But they decided to put their trust in Jesus and because of that, they caught so many fish that their net was breaking and they called for extra hands to help with the catch. Jesus called me. He told me to share my past with others. At first, I was reluctant like these fisherman.

I don't want to share something so personal.
No body will want to read about my sinful past.
I am not a writer. 
I am to scared.

But just like the fisherman, I began to put my faith in God and did the things He was asking of me. It is still very scary to be sharing my person sins with the world. Each time I sit down to write about my past I relive the nightmare that I caused my family. I am reminded of the shame and hurt. My emotions are stretched and exhausted. I have fallen to my knees writing sessions begging for mercy and grace only to be reminded that God cleared my name. God loves me and give me strength as I write. God hold my hand and guides me each time. I hope and pray that I continue to have the passion and desire to share my story without hesitating. I want to be willing and enthusiastic about sharing the victory that God has given me over my sin. 

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