The Selfish Monster

Selfish. This word is the root of all evil. Okay, maybe not all evil but selfishness is what caused the down fall of man and woman.

 Genesis 3: 1-7

3 Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

² The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, ³ but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”
⁴ “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. ⁵ “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
⁶ When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. ⁷ Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

The woman wanted to be like God. She was willing to put God's command to not eat the fruit aside to delight in her selfish desires. This is something that boggles my mind. Selfishness was one of the first sins in the Bible. The whole fall of man and the sinful nature that we have inherited from our forefathers and foremothers all started with selfishness. The punishment was harsh but justly given..yet generation after generation the sins we still take part in are that of selfish roots. Why have we not learned? It's so simple. Don't be selfish. But it's our selfishness that causing us heartache and leads us to sin. We covet what we don't have because we are selfish. We horde and keep the earthly possessions we do have, not wanting to share them, because they are ours. We boast about the things we own and what we can do. We need more, want more, buy more..because we are a self-centered people. I am not any type of exception to this rule.

My affair was the most selfish,  act I ever took part in. I wanted love in a way I wasn't getting it. How much easier would it have been for me to confront my husband and simply ask for love the way I needed it. My sinful nature lusted after my selfish heart, which lead me to spiritual death. I don't know of a more selfish act of sin, suicide maybe, but we are not going to touch that topic just yet. I selfishly ruined my marriage bed. I selfishly, yet knowingly, broke my marriage vows. I selfishly put my husband through hell as he was fighting and waiting for me to come back. I selfishly committed sin against God, who despite my sin and selfishness died on the cross for me, knowing that this was going to happen.

Despite the ugliness of my selfish heart, my God sees me as; beautiful, radiant, a princess, clean, loved, honored, treasured, anointed and His beloved. How can I keep this to myself? I will not be selfish with my King, My God.  I will shout his love from the mountain tops. I will write of His love and grace all over my blog. I will spread the joy and peace I have been given, despite of my sin. I admit that I am still swallowed by the ugly and untamed selfishness, that is my sinful nature..but I will fight the remainder of my life to tame this unwanted beast. I will pray with all my might that the evil selfish monster doesn't swallow me again. I beg God and plead with God for the marriages in this world to team together, as man and wife, and tame the selfishness that grabs us so tightly.

Praying For You Today

I apologize for not being around this week. My mind has been preoccupied. Please know that I am praying for you today. I am praying for those whose lives have been effected by the lies of an affair. I pray for those who are in the mist of infidelity. I pray for those struggling to keep their heads above water as they are maneuvering through the after math of an affair. May our Heavenly Father give you the clarity you need for your situation. I pray that God bind all the lies that Satan has you trapped in. I pray for honesty and integrity.

Summer Reading

Last night, I came up with a list of books that I would like to read this summer. The list is unrealistically long, 15 books. Fifteen! I know that there is no way humanly possible that a mother of two small children will be able to take the time to read so many books. I will have to narrow the list down a little bit, maybe 8?

I've never been an avid reader. I didn't like to 'waste time' reading. How silly? This past year, my sister-in-law got me involved in our local M.O.M.S group! It stays for Make Our Mothering Significant! Through M.O.M.S. we have done 2 book studies. I believe that is what got me so interesting in reading. We have read some real eye opening books. Besides M.O.M.S., I have also gotten involved in a book study through our church. We just finished a 16 week series about "What Did You Expect?" This book has been transforming!!

Paul David Tripp is the author of  "What Did You Expect?" He really nails his points home. Somehow, he completely changed the way I look at Scott. I have always loved and respected Scott, but somehow this book demonstrated love in a way that I had never thought of before! It really pointed out my selfishness in my marriage. It challenged me to love Scott differently. While reading the book, I really marked it up. The only other book I have marked in more is the Bible!! I have recommended this book to my friends and family. I am recommending this book to you too!!

If you want to refresh your marriage, need some encouragement or just like to read...you need to check this book out. It will not disappoint!You can add it to your summer reading list!

"What Did You Expect?"

Slow Fade

It is so amazing to me how quickly one can 'fade to gray.' It can happen so quickly. It's actually frightening. Looking back on my affair, that's how it started, a slow fade which continued and grew darker and darker until -I- dug myself a nice deep hole so deep, I couldn't find my way out. Should I go up? Down? I was so far in over my head..I couldn't breath. Dark. Secrets. Death knocking on the door. Not the type of death you may be thinking of. But death of my spirit and soul, turning away from God type of death. My past is so scary to think about. If you have never heard the song by the group Casting Crowns entitled, "Slowfade," please take the time to do a search on you tube..or better yet, here is a link! 'Slowfade' by Casting Crowns

It is a life altering song.

It starts with our daily choices. Daily. I don't know about you, but often, I made spur of the moment decisions, without giving it a thought. That is when the Holy Spirit comes into play. I know I have written about the Holy Spirit before, but it is not something to take lightly.


It's weird, but I am going to quote myself here. My blog post on October 31, 2012 was entitled Holy Spirit and there I wrote the following: "The Holy Spirit is our advocate. He will guide us in truth. In the sin of my affair, I ignored the urges of the Holy Spirit. At first, I could feel the Holy Spirit urging me, putting unrest and guilt in my heart. We are free to make our own choices and I choose to ignore the Holy Spirit. As I continued down the path of sin and shame, it seemed to me that  I was able to tuned-out the voice of the Holy Spirit. I am sure He was still urging me and calling me to turn from my sin. I became callous to my sin and began to justify my behaviors. I deceived myself into thinking that I was doing nothing wrong and I continued to look for validation. I was choosing to disobey God by living in my sin and continuing with my affair. "

We need to be spending time in the word. During my affair, unfortunate, I was not in the word. I was not even open to listening to the word. I had my back to Jesus and was running in the opposite direction. If only I would have been in tune with the Holy Spirit. If only I would have been reading my Bible. If only I would have remembered the price my Jesus paid for me on the cross. If then, I would not have gone down the slippy slope of an affair. If then, I would have been bold and would have fought -FOR- my marriage instead of against it. If then...

The only redeeming factor is my Jesus. My marriage was spared because of my Jesus. My marriage has been rebuild because of my Jesus! My marriage is a gift, a love of second chances because of my Jesus. I can't turn back the clocks and undo my mistakes. I can only treasure the time as we move into the future and count my blessing daily. Giving unending praise and thanks to God for extending grace and love. 

It's a Slow Fade..so be careful...

Memorize Monday

James 4: 15-17

15 Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that."  

16 As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. 

17 So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin. 




So this week I decided to break apart the verses in order to memorize smaller chunks at a time. Hopefully this will help me remember..

Does anyone have advice on how to retain verses once they are memorized? 

Gratitude Journal Entry # 29

Gratitude Journal Entry # 29

I was asked by Jennifer, who runs unveiledwife.com, if I would be a regular contributor!!  I am so honored!!! If you remember I had submitted ab article that was featured on her website!! So this week, I am grateful for the opportunity to write for a such a wonderful team of ladies that ministers God's love and grace to other women. I am thankful that I can share my stories and lessons learned. I am blessed to be part of the Unveiled Wive team!

Check out Unveiled Wive dot com. unveiledwife.com

Every Good Thing

Amazing song that has filled my life with joy since the first time I heard it a couple months ago at a women's conference when the After preformed live! It was the first time I had heard about them!! This song helps me to keep my outlook on God and His blessings! I just had to share it with my readers! I hope you enjoy it!