Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Scott and I packed our things and left his Parent's house. We had not see each other or spoken to each other in a week. Scott was eager to get home with his bride by his side. I on the other had was dreading it. My head and heart hadn't gotten on the same page just yet. My head knew that I was supposed to be with Scott and that things were going to be okay. My heart, however, was still shredded in a million pieces, I just lost my best friend and someone who I loved very much. Somehow at the same time, my heart was a tiny bit happy to have Scott back too. It's very hard to explain the inner-turmoil.
I cried off and on throughout the day. I was grieving the loss of my friend and lover. To my surprise, Scott tenderly held me as I wept so hard that my body shook. Losing a loved one is not easy. Sure he wasn't dead, but for all intends and purposes, I would never see him again...or so I thought.
Scott longed to reunite and express our love to one another, but I denied him time and time again. Month after month would pass and I would decline the invitation to join with him. I couldn't bare the thought. I was so terrified that while I was laying with Scott thoughts of Ozzy would pop into my head and so to prevent that from happening..I denied Scott any physical attention. Scott was so defeated that he eventually stopped asking. I realize now that I hurt Scott almost worse by denying him pleasure for so long. I love Scott but was just so unsure of everything.
One night while Scott was out working I decided that I was going to allow myself to be taken by him. In fact I even decided to initiate. I will spare you the details, but Scott took me and treated me with so much tender and passion that my mind was clear of unwanted images and replaced, rightfully so, with images with my husband!