Summer Reading

Last night, I came up with a list of books that I would like to read this summer. The list is unrealistically long, 15 books. Fifteen! I know that there is no way humanly possible that a mother of two small children will be able to take the time to read so many books. I will have to narrow the list down a little bit, maybe 8?

I've never been an avid reader. I didn't like to 'waste time' reading. How silly? This past year, my sister-in-law got me involved in our local M.O.M.S group! It stays for Make Our Mothering Significant! Through M.O.M.S. we have done 2 book studies. I believe that is what got me so interesting in reading. We have read some real eye opening books. Besides M.O.M.S., I have also gotten involved in a book study through our church. We just finished a 16 week series about "What Did You Expect?" This book has been transforming!!

Paul David Tripp is the author of  "What Did You Expect?" He really nails his points home. Somehow, he completely changed the way I look at Scott. I have always loved and respected Scott, but somehow this book demonstrated love in a way that I had never thought of before! It really pointed out my selfishness in my marriage. It challenged me to love Scott differently. While reading the book, I really marked it up. The only other book I have marked in more is the Bible!! I have recommended this book to my friends and family. I am recommending this book to you too!!

If you want to refresh your marriage, need some encouragement or just like to read...you need to check this book out. It will not disappoint!You can add it to your summer reading list!

"What Did You Expect?"

Slow Fade

It is so amazing to me how quickly one can 'fade to gray.' It can happen so quickly. It's actually frightening. Looking back on my affair, that's how it started, a slow fade which continued and grew darker and darker until -I- dug myself a nice deep hole so deep, I couldn't find my way out. Should I go up? Down? I was so far in over my head..I couldn't breath. Dark. Secrets. Death knocking on the door. Not the type of death you may be thinking of. But death of my spirit and soul, turning away from God type of death. My past is so scary to think about. If you have never heard the song by the group Casting Crowns entitled, "Slowfade," please take the time to do a search on you tube..or better yet, here is a link! 'Slowfade' by Casting Crowns

It is a life altering song.

It starts with our daily choices. Daily. I don't know about you, but often, I made spur of the moment decisions, without giving it a thought. That is when the Holy Spirit comes into play. I know I have written about the Holy Spirit before, but it is not something to take lightly.


It's weird, but I am going to quote myself here. My blog post on October 31, 2012 was entitled Holy Spirit and there I wrote the following: "The Holy Spirit is our advocate. He will guide us in truth. In the sin of my affair, I ignored the urges of the Holy Spirit. At first, I could feel the Holy Spirit urging me, putting unrest and guilt in my heart. We are free to make our own choices and I choose to ignore the Holy Spirit. As I continued down the path of sin and shame, it seemed to me that  I was able to tuned-out the voice of the Holy Spirit. I am sure He was still urging me and calling me to turn from my sin. I became callous to my sin and began to justify my behaviors. I deceived myself into thinking that I was doing nothing wrong and I continued to look for validation. I was choosing to disobey God by living in my sin and continuing with my affair. "

We need to be spending time in the word. During my affair, unfortunate, I was not in the word. I was not even open to listening to the word. I had my back to Jesus and was running in the opposite direction. If only I would have been in tune with the Holy Spirit. If only I would have been reading my Bible. If only I would have remembered the price my Jesus paid for me on the cross. If then, I would not have gone down the slippy slope of an affair. If then, I would have been bold and would have fought -FOR- my marriage instead of against it. If then...

The only redeeming factor is my Jesus. My marriage was spared because of my Jesus. My marriage has been rebuild because of my Jesus! My marriage is a gift, a love of second chances because of my Jesus. I can't turn back the clocks and undo my mistakes. I can only treasure the time as we move into the future and count my blessing daily. Giving unending praise and thanks to God for extending grace and love. 

It's a Slow Fade..so be careful...

Memorize Monday

James 4: 15-17

15 Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that."  

16 As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. 

17 So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin. 




So this week I decided to break apart the verses in order to memorize smaller chunks at a time. Hopefully this will help me remember..

Does anyone have advice on how to retain verses once they are memorized? 

Gratitude Journal Entry # 29

Gratitude Journal Entry # 29

I was asked by Jennifer, who runs unveiledwife.com, if I would be a regular contributor!!  I am so honored!!! If you remember I had submitted ab article that was featured on her website!! So this week, I am grateful for the opportunity to write for a such a wonderful team of ladies that ministers God's love and grace to other women. I am thankful that I can share my stories and lessons learned. I am blessed to be part of the Unveiled Wive team!

Check out Unveiled Wive dot com. unveiledwife.com

Every Good Thing

Amazing song that has filled my life with joy since the first time I heard it a couple months ago at a women's conference when the After preformed live! It was the first time I had heard about them!! This song helps me to keep my outlook on God and His blessings! I just had to share it with my readers! I hope you enjoy it!

No Regrets

Back when the affair happened and in fact just ended, I had not regrets. I felt that I deserved to receive love and if I wasn't getting my needs met by my husband than I should have them met by someone else...Selfish, I know. Reflecting back on this sad notion, I believe that is why I had the hardest time with leaving Ozzy. I mourned his loss for a very long time. In fact, to this very day, my heart still feels like there is a hole. That is one of the terrible consequences from participating in an affair...the grief and sadness you feel, five and ten years down the road. It takes the heart a long time to heal. I try to fill that hole with the love of my Lord, because he, and only he can fill me up and be my everything. It isn't an easy task. It takes perseverance and a lot of correction to always place God in the void.

I can now say, that I regret everything. I regret spending time with a man who was not my husband. I regret spilling my heart over to him. I regret sharing my dreams. I regret holding his hand. I regret kissing him. I regret day dreaming about him. I regret sleeping with him. I regret everything.  Honestly I feel sad to say these things. They feel so mean and hurtful if Ozzy was ever to come across this. But it is the truth. My relationship with God is my first priority with my life followed closely with my relationship with my husband. My action with Ozzy, hurt and has tormented me for years. My actions with Ozzy destroyed my relationship with my husband and cut me off from God for a time. I regret it.

The dictionary defines regret as:

re·gret

  [ri-gret]  Show IPA verb, re·gret·ted, re·gret·ting, noun

verb (used with object)

1.

to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.): He no sooner spoke than he regrettedit.

2.

to think of with a sense of loss: to regret one's vanished youth.

noun

3.

a sense of loss, disappointment, dissatisfaction, etc.

4.

a feeling of sorrow or remorse for a fault, act, loss, disappointment, etc.

5.

regrets, a polite, usually formal refusal of an invitation: I sent her my regrets.

6.

a note expressing regret at one's inability to accept an invitation: I have had four acceptances and one regret." 

I do feel remorse for my actions. I am sad that it took so long to really deal with my emotions and feelings of entitlement. But By nature, I am a sinful person. I have had several chats with my husband about the feelings that have accompanied the affair. He understands and encourages me, which to this day just blows my mind. I have been blessed with a great man who forgives me and loves me still. Scott is and has been patient with me as new feelings have surfaced from my writings. He is such a great encouragement to me...and then to think how much more God loves me and forgives me, is just mind boggling. I praise God for blotting out my sin and revealing to me that I needed to get out of the affair. I praise God for the opportunity to rebuild my marriage. I praise God for the removal of my sackcloth and clothing me in joy!! (Psalm 30) I believe I still have a long road ahead of me as I deal with the unique layers of emotion from my past and ones yet to appear as I write and reveal my heart.

Memorize Monday

Fighter Verse for this week is found at James 4: 13-14

"Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what till happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes."

~James 4:13-14

Remember to help you memorize the scripture you need to:

Write, Rewrite and Recite!!